I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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