he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
