It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
