Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
