I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
