You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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