I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
