why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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