i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
