batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
