Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Randomize