also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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