chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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