I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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