we're chasing vodka with high fives
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
