Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
