Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
