dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
