hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
