i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
