I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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