"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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