I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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