Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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