I'm lost and stupid without you.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
