Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
