He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
