ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
