My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
