just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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