nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
my shit smells like andre
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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