Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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