Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize