i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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