Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
