I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
