fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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