i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
