Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
