He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
