I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
