Where is the hickey?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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