I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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