Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
