Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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