im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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