nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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