Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
