My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
