The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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