Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
