Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
