im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
