I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
