The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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