You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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