I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
