how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
