I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
