If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
