how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
