My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
