Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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