i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
