I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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