omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
