You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
